Putting heartbreak to good use

A special announcement-invitation from my friends. Some people really have very creative ways of getting over heartbreak... pero, kailangan ba talagang isali pa kami? *lol*

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It started with love. It ended with pain. Now that the numbness has set in, let the experience blossom into print on pages that would utter the undying line "how-could-you-do-this-to-me" in more funny ways than one. And coming from a gay man's point of view, pepper those heartaches with a dash of wit and a pound of humor. Then, serve it fresh from the oven like the classic mammon, the pedestrian metaphor embodying our vulnerable and soft gay heart.

So as we ponder in lovelorn self-loathing at stumbling upon the wrong men, or mourning the right one that got away, be part of a book that will churn up the most sumptuous of gay experiences:

NANG MAHIWA ANG PUSONG MAMON Funny Essays and Poems on Gay Heartbreak

We now accept essays and poems to be anthologized in a book that will immortalize lessons in love, which both homos and heteros alike will find a delectable snack between pauses in life's journey. Please note, that even if we want our readers to know about the ways and means we have used to rise above the pain and aguish of being hurt, we also want them to smile (better yet, guffaw) at these funny essays and poems.

After all no matter how seemingly devastating gay heartbreaks can be, transcendence in the form of laughter (ours and theirs) can still emerge from the battlefields of failed relationships.

Please send contribution to this email address. Deadline for submission is on April 30th, 2006.

You write it. We print it. Let us all laugh at it. Then we can all move on.

Lots of love,

Ralph Semino Galan & G.S. Lloren Editors

Tantrum genesis

Just came from Tagaytay, attended a workshop that involved meeting, working and socializing with NGO's from different parts of the country. It was intellectually stimulating experience. I hitched a ride back to Manila from Dok Marlyn, who heads the UNAIDS office in the country, and whom I consider one of my mentors. It would have been a fun, comfortable two-or-less hours of ride back to Manila, but I felt dread inside me. The feeling became stronger as we approached Alabang. The remaining hour of travel was spent crawling from Alabang to Ayala-EDSA; it only complicated my feelings with annoyance.

The dread did have a name and a face... oh it had several names and faces, but collectively can be called work. For awhile I was able to deny its pressures in cool and windy Tagaytay. The hotel where we stayed was not definitely Paradise Regained but it did serve its purpose of temporarily alleviating some of the work pressure. The workshop however was definitely not for one seeking pleasure in idle-thinking. It was major brainstorming. I'm used to this. NGO work has since made my brains work harder.

I got off Ayala Avenue, the afternoon rush was in full swing, made special by Friday, and extra-special by a Glorietta concert -- or a melee of staging, equipment and onlookers of what will be one. I didn't have much baggage with me; I pack light. But packing light is relative and its real benefits situational, you see. I had my laptop on one shoulder. My small bag of clothes and toiletries on the other. On either hand I had pasalubong treats, which I bought at the Good Shepherd sisters' convent in Tagaytay. The pasalubong were not comfy carriage. One bag had buko pie, which needed to be carried like a pizza. Another bag had a box of suman latik, jiggling with a plastic container of ube and a bottle of maka-nata jam (combo of macapuno and nata de coco -- this one's for me). All that baggage, while dodging other pedestrians, the sweltering heat, the carbon monoxide... you get the picture.

After playing patintero with buses at EDSA, and finally getting into a cab, I decided to drop by the office first. I could say I had the option not to drop by the office anymore, but I really couldn't. The office is just across the street from my house. Even if I tried to ignore the office's presence, it easily calls and strums all guilt. So I just peeked into the house, dropped most of my stuff (the buko pie was pasalubong to the staff), then went to office. As I took seat, the dread that was growing earlier manifested itself into a slew of fax notices, phone messages, litanies of things done/undone/undergoing, and other, shall we say, prime-grade irritainment. Did all what could be easily dispensed, then peeled myself out of the chair, then rushed across the street to home... where my "family" was, for whom most pasalubong were for, and with whom over cigarettes and coffee (but a glass of water for me) I could have trivialized tribulations of the day. But they were not home. Not YET? I wasn't sure, specially with my hunny, who texted that he was out with buddies.

I didn't know what it was, but something tugged inside. I went into a mood, and it was definitely not light and bubbly. I went back to office, things/matters/persons that passed through me were regrettably unfortunate. Buti na lang may blog, maybe, I'd feel better after writing this...

Heartbroken

I tried to write something about how I felt after I saw "Brokeback Mountain." I was not able to finish it. I was looking for something. Something inside me. What I knew then was that I left the movie house heartbroken. Then I saw the overflowing of bloggers' reviews. Then I lost my determination of pursuing my Brokeback tribute. Many other people were more magnificently articulate with how they saw the film. I still couldn't find it in me why I was so moved by it. I couldn't find my "angle," which I hoped would be a "unique" contribution to Blogdom. I resisted in speaking about things that other writers have already said; I did not have an angle anymore.

I've heard about Brokeback as a film project long before it got made. I even thought it would never be made. Then the excited buzz came post-Sundance. Then Proulx's short story started circulating in the Yahoo! Groups. I tried very hard to resist the temptation of reading the story before seeing the film. (I gave in anyway.) I was afraid of not being able to appreciate the film if I read the story first. It has happened to me more than once: I not appreciating the film because the "story" was much better. Comparing works this way was not fair. In a paper I wrote for my COM-2 class, I lambasted "The Shining" for believing that (the late) Kubrick had a twisted vision of the story, which I considered one of Stephen King's all-time best works. (I'm a Stephen King fan.) My teacher commented I was quite passionate about the topic. Much later, having matured a bit in college, I realized that film is different language altogether.

I was moved by Brokeback the film. I think it actually enhanced my feelings towards the narrative and the characters. I think the film has helped me personalize the story even more -- reflected facets of the story, thoughts and nuances of characters with "my own story." That was how my friend Wally wrote his feedback/blog entry on Brokeback. He recalled events that led to his coming out, a recall worth 10 years of flashback. The difference between Wally and I, he didn't actually find the film beautiful. I did.

My coming out process would be a flashback worth as much, or maybe, give and take one or two years. Hard to recall actually, not solely for the amount of time that's needed to be leapt back, but also and probably moreso for having long buried some of the more painful details. Hard to recall when only bits and pieces remain of what's most easy to access, or when scary voices of seemingly legion-sized alteregos clamor inside my head, or when I think I am still undergoing this process of coming out. The story isn't finished yet. Maybe one day I'd be able to bring the memories back together and see for myself, for a bigger picture, how much I've fared in coming into my own. But for now, I'd settle for just this fact: that I am still learning to embrace my wholeness (and oh, what an even bigger wholeness I have to embrace now *tongue-in-cheek*).

Several years back, after an high school reunion event, an old friend asked me in relative confidence, "Ikaw, hindi mo pa sinasabi sa 'min, may girlfriend ka na ba, o mag-aasawa ka na ba?" I don't have a girlfriend, but I am in considerably spousal relations. Would that count for dear old friend? "Wala..." I finally exhaled, determined to hang up on this train of conversation. He offered a small smile, but somewhat bitterly. I looked away. He had a glimpse of my high-schoolish, identity-crisised life. He was almost a brother-confidante to me but I denied him and myself a closure.

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In the mean time, I come in solidarity with the rest of Brokeback's fans. I thank all those who believed that this film is 2006's Best Picture. I was in Baguio when the Oscars aired live. I had to rush all the pasalubong shopping to catch the show. Just caught the flash reports on CNN and BBC World. I felt heartbroken once again.

Baguio and some "storms" in my mind

I went to join my family for a short vacation in Baguio last weekend. I thought I needed a break. When February kicked in, I realized that I was getting more depressed with the thought that I am not working hard and fast enough to "catch up" on so many pending matters at work. Sometimes I had to convince myself, I'm working as hard as I can... and yet, I couldn't seem to catch up with all that's needed to catch up on. Juggling essentially three projects (the third one being the organizational development that had to be set up), I felt I was not really accomplishing a lot for each project. It's been a nagging feeling since, for each day that ends and each week that passes.

On the more "leisurely" side, I have also been experiencing disappointments. My one true blog fan, BFF eon, has been ever so insistent of me updating my blog. And to think, now that we're housemates, my one true fan actually lives beside my room. What pressure. I couldn't imagine how other more religious bloggers manage to keep their "fans" happy with regular posts. How could they have so much to say? More importantly, where do they find so much time to blog? But the real disappointment lies in my on-and-on-again failure to post my thoughts when I actually think of them... blog fodder, as we call them. Somehow, I'm not in the right place when these blog fodder come. The right place being in front of the computer online.

I thought I needed a break. I was supposed to join the family Friday, but I've set an important meeting on Saturday. But the vacation, however short (or shortened), has to happen, or else I'd explode. So I arranged to take the bus to Baguio the very moment the meeting concludes. The family planned to go down Sunday afternoon. I asked to stay until the late afternoon Monday. I was with friends/housemates: short of one, I was with darth sanro and hastydevil (a.k.a. eon).

My Mom, who had the right connections (i.e., my ninong who was her best friend), had arranged a dreamy, ideal vacation spot. The rest house was my ninong's company's rest house, and it was such a dream! The house was allegedly built during the American pre-war era. Unfortunately, inspite of all dreamy rest house's allure, some work had to be done. So there I was, in the midst of all this beauty and restful ambience, working on my laptop to beat a report's deadline. As I would have expected it (but tried to deny it), not everything with the deadline was in order. Some of the staff were amiss with their deadlines; their delay was my delay. And as I was emailing the reports (in SM City Baguio's Netopia), something freakish happened with gmail that I had to attempt sending the reports many times for almost an hour. Not nice to be humbugging during vacation, but it was unnerving.

Luckily, I still had time to go around a bit... foremost priority was to make my usual pilgrimage to Cafe by the Ruins. I should have relished this rare dining experience, made more special supposedly with the company of dear friends, but my mind was not still quite attuned to the vacation feel of it all... some residue of work-related hassle haunted me. Isn't that such a bummer, when work-related thoughts never seemed to give up on you? One nagging thought was the web presence that our organization has to rebuild... some "competition" has already overtaken us with re-establishing awareness and education work online, maybe because they had more time (and resources) to work on it. Now I'm challenged to come up with a better strategy. The sumptuous pinikpikan was almost tasteless to me as I pondered how to get over this one. The resolve? I could work on it as soon as we get back to the house and boot up the laptop again. Pahamak 'tong laptop na toh!

Baguio was also not entirely inviting for soothing weary vacationers. As I found out from my Mom, Sunday was actually the last day of the Panagbenga Festival, and Baguio was made into one big market place, literally. Burnham and Session Road were filled with stalls and people, and traffic was a mess around the Plaza. I was initially thrilled at the prospect at seeing all sorts of goodies; the human traffic and noise essentially nixed all the pleasure. In the middle of a very slow walk up Session Road, I began to reminisce the good feelings I had for the city the first time I took a vacation. That was back in 1979, when Kennon Road still had narrow lanes (that upgoing vehicles had to stop by the shoulder to give way to downcoming ones), when the Lion's head was still a full head, when Wright park had everlasting flowers everywhere, and since that was November a.k.a. Canao Festival, when men dance on the streets in their traditional bahag. Well of course, even at a young age, I could appreciate flesh-and-muscle masculinities, particularly, mga pwet na hindi puyat (this expression I borrow from eon). Then back to reality: looking around, lots of people wearing unmistakably ukay-ukay fashions, not a few, resulting from hideous mix-and-matching efforts. Hay naku, in fairness, the weather was really refreshing.

Not all have been lost to the haunting drudgery of work. However short, I think I'd best remember this vacation for the house's charm. I almost didn't want to go out at all. Somehow, it was one thing I really wanted to hold on to. But eon impressed me with his indefatigable appreciation for tunneling his way into heaps and heaps of ukay-ukay. That appetite had to be satiated. And darth sanro also had craving for Good Shepherd strawberry jam. I was obliged to accompany eon Monday morning... as long as I could, every minute fearing I'd get a nasty bout of sneezing from all the dust and oldy smell of the stores strung by the old Bayanihan hotel. And I was obliged to make that Good Shepherd pilgrimage, where strawberry jam turned to be out-of-stock and had to settle for strawberry "spread." Darth sanro also had to work, so he had to stay at the house and write/work on the laptop.

I will also fondly remember this vacation for the weirdness of our preoccupation with our cameras. Eon just had his new 6630 camera-phone (thanks to a new credit card); darth sanro had my Cybershot I bought in Tokyo with my saved up allowances back in 2004 (his fiddling with it had brought him more know-how of its intricacies beyond what I could ever do in a lifetime); I had my trusted 3230. We were mad with our cameras, snapping at almost everything, and almost the same things in fact. Eon's more unique angle with the camera, of course, was his constant snapping of himself even in our humble bathroom and at the bus terminals. And speaking of angles, he continued this increasingly disdained "angling" of his personal headshots that's most notoriously proliferating in Friendster and the like. Even the most "truthful" of cameras can be manipulated to deceive -- chos!

What was my camera angle? Baguio was in full bloom, the flowers were the most interesting sceneries, much better than that Fiesta Carnival inspired lighting of Burnham park, a tad better from that cute waiter from Volante pizzeria (Manuel!), and equally good as Sunday night when after wearily surrendering from "creative block" on the web presence challenge I snuggled in bed, under the blankets was the embrace, warmth and reassurance of love. My camera angle was a tribute to Baguio's flowers, Nature's mute redeemers of feeling good in this vacation. This was, after all, a Panagbenga vacation.

(POSTSCRIPT: As we were on the bus going down to Manila, the news just mentioned yet another senseless "crackdown" of a street protest -- a symbolic protest, creatively, in the guise of a beauty pageant. My good friend, Dyesi, was detained by the police. We were still on Marcos Highway, somewhere in La Union, and yet, Manila caught up on us all too soon.)

This so-called state of national emergency -- part three

These last two posts that I found most remarkable, I found no need for more commentary. I only wished I could have the skill to interpret these for a future (possibly current) "international" audience.

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Proclamation 1017 is simply martial law by another name. Matanda na ako, I have lived almost a third of my life under 1081 (Marcos' martial law declaration). Ayokong daanan uli.

Emergency powers is justifiable only when it is for the people not when it is used for personal political survival and her survival seems to be the only reason why Gloria used it now.

Ayoko talaga. Lalong mahirap maging malayang bakla sa ilalim ng isang gobyernong mapaniil.

Ayokong mag-wish ng "peace" para sa lahat dahil alam ko na hindi mapapanatag ang kalooban ng marami hangga't may 1017, hanggat nand'yan si Gloria, at hanggang ang sistema ng pamamahala at pagpapatakbo ng lipunan ay 'di nagbabago.

Kailangan nating tingnan na ngayon 'di lamang ang problema sa kasulukuyang administrasyon kundi pati na ang systems na nagpapanatili ng ganitong kalagayan. Ituring natin itong pagkakataon para, ika nga ng mga bishops, i-"discern" ang mas mainam na sistema 'di lamang para mapabuti ang governance but also para mapatatag at maging democratic ang mga institutions. Ang pagkakaroon ng matatag at democratic (participatory and representative) na mga political and governance institutions ang magtitiyak na hindi mo na kailangan ang coup or even an EDSA-type revolt to effect change.

Yun lang.

Matandang nababahala,

Ferdie

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Sinususugan ko (I support) ang posisyon ni Ferdie na ang problema ni Gng. Arroyo ay bahagi ng isang malaking problemang sistemiko dito sa Pilipinas. Ang sistemang tinutukoy ay ang sistema ng padrino politics at ang pagkakanya natin (mula sa ating indibidwal na pag-unlad pati ang pag-unlad ng lipunang Pilipino at ng Pilipinas). At ang pag-unlad na tinutukoy ko ay hindi lang pang-ekonomiko kundi ang holistic o pangkabuuang pag-unlad bilang isang taong may dignidad at dangal.

Kasabay din nito gusto ko ring sabihin na nagkakamali tayong mga bakla kung sa palagay nating wala tayong pakialam o hindi tayo "kasali" sa usapang pampulitika. Katulad ng nabanggit ko na, tayo ay bahagi ng isang sistemang panlipunan (at pang-ekolohika, kung inyong mamarapatin). Kung anong mangyari sa isang bahagi ng isang sistema, apektado tayong lahat. Ang cancer ng corruption ay mahuhugot natin sa ating kasaysayan pero hindi ibig sabihin noon na wala na tayong magagawa pa sa kasulukuyan. Kung hindi tayo makikialam (bakla man tayo o hindi), walang makapagbabago ng sistema para sa atin. Tayo lang ang makagagawa noon.

Kung di tayo makikialam at tutongtong sa isang progresibong posisyon tungkol sa sistemikong problema natin sa lipunan, patuloy tayong makararanas ng kahirapan.

We have to look at things from a sociological-historico-politico-economic perspective and root out the problem and BE BRAVE enough to take the most democratic, most "peaceful," most representative (meaning 'di lang ng mentalidad ng isang may pera at may degree sa unibersidad), and most progressive stance to solving the problem.

Ang "wish" ko lang ay sana wag nating tingnan ang problemang ito sa mga makasarili at napakakitid na pag-iisip. Ang problemang pampulitikal ni Gng. Arroyo ay sintomas (symptom) lang ng sakit (o cancer) na meron tayo sa lipunan.

I wish us all positive thoughts and energies always,

Brucie

This so-called state of national emergency -- part two

This one came from Jojo, who is a "batchmate" of mine from the workshop. He is known to be "darkness" when he expresses his sentiments; more fairly I think he is "grim and determined" (or as we say, G-and-D) -- he he he. Actually he is only very much outspoken and unceasing when it comes to debating issues. As I post this, he is actually online this wee hour of Friday morning still replying to postings. I like that in him. I particularly liked this posting: someone said Jojo was being "academic" in this one, I'd rather think that he was bearing down on the bottomline of "democracy of the people." (Jeez, that sounded somewhat hackneyed.) Sometimes we need to look at some things more fundamentally to get the sense of the most blatant as well as the more subtle.

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I think the issue is not just Proclamation 1017 but actually who issued it and for what purpose. I read Belinda Olivares-Cunanan's column one time (and if Conrado is lopsided, this one is lopped off to the other side). She, like many in the administration talks about the state's right to protect itself.

May problema tayo, because people in the government (no matter whose administration) believe they are the "State." But the people are the State - the government, merely a representative of the people, therefore the caretaker of the "State" but is by no means the "State."

The Constitution provides for dealing with emergency - one in which wherein the "State" is in danger. Look around, is the "State" a.k.a. the people in danger? Or is an unpopular government in danger?

The Constitution is written for the people, not for the people who claim to be in government. Sorry Bong [he refers to another Bong with whom he actively debates in our Group], I do not share your view that democracy is about institution. Democracy is about people - institutions, rule of law, government are secondary. The Constitution exist for the people and not for the government. And for government to use the Constitution and rule of law above the people, there you have a problem.

People Power is an institution in itself. The framers of our Constitution from experience realized that laws, government and its institutions can be corrupted and thereby put people power as a "safety valve" to deal with such situation (coincidentally, Inquirer also referred it as such). It is the only way for the people to short-circuit the government when needed, when the law and institutions are hijacked (that includes the impeachment process or the courts). Martial law was instituted with law. Law was changed to fit one's end. Law was used to repress dissidents using institutions. How do people get out of that?

Democracy is not only about the majority or those using their numbers in Congress to effect what they want - many authoritarian governments use the same utilitarian argument - for the people daw. What makes democracy different from all other ideals' claims is that democracy specifically has the "Bill of Rights," a set of rights so precious not even the majority or the government has the right to take away without enough justification.

There is no justification today to stop people from launching People Power because it is a right inherent to us. There is no justification to suppress freedom of speech, assembly and free press, specially not by a government fearing its own people and using a corrupted institution to effect its own ends. Election is an institution, you know how corrupted it is. The people has the right to say no to corrupted institutions, laws and government. Elections is one way to do that, clean elections, I mean. But even a [potentially] lousy election is in danger of not happening come 2007. Now that really is the corruption of law and institutions.

What about people for 1017? Yun nga, don't suppress the people and let the people speak freely. That's the only way you will know for sure kung ano ba gusto ng taong bayan. Let both sides or as many sides speak freely. Only a government that fears the people's voice will try to suppress it and will claim that only itself speaks for the people. Besides, when does it [probably he's referring to people's voice] become an exercise of rights and when does it become destabilizing of government? Our Constitution upholds personal freedom more important than [perceived?] stability of government; again, it's an hallmark of true democracy. Pero yun nga, all this talk about law and institution; look at it, are these fairly enforced, implemented or followed? Gagamitin lang ang batas 'pag pabor sa kanila. Ano yung arrest warrant noong 1985 kay [Congressman] Crispin Beltran? We need to see the forest and not only the trees.

What I believe is not idealism, it should be reality. WE have sunk so low that we expect the worst from our government. We even say, "So what if they steal? At least may nagagawa sila." Is that the reality shared by people in other countries? Bakit ang baba ng reality natin? It is funny how some people grew tired of noisy activists and street parliamentarians, yet we dont seem to grow tired of corrupt politicians. Kaya nga di tayo umaangat kasi tinanggap na natin yung "reality" na yon.

Why should I choose between the lesser evil of two sides of Trapos? Why do we keep saying the other side is also dirty? Dalawa lang ba ang panig? Whether people are anti- or pro-GMA, hindi homogeneous ang tao... stop equating those against GMA with the Trapo Opposition and NO, there is NO united opposition under Binay.

GMA is not the lesser evil.

This so-called state of national emergency -- part one

I've struggled for several days now to say something about what has been happening under this so-called state of national emergency. Sometimes I feel do not deserve to be identified as writer for simply not being quick enough to articulate my feelings, even my feelings of uncertainty. So here I was, monitoring the Yahoo! Groups on what people have been exchanging, hoping to find from others' eloquence to articulate my struggling thoughts in more certain terms. The most intelligent of them all, I've pleasantly discovered, were from the community I belonged, TLFMANILA. It's the Yahoo! Group founded and managed by individuals who have undergone the Healthy Interaction and Values workshops of The Library Foundation. And I'd like to feature them here, at least, the voices of whom have catalyzed much of the discussions - not only among us but in other Groups as well.

The one below comes from Bong Austero, who was one of the organization's founding members. I actually found his piece from another Group, and I'm still wondering why he didn't post it in our Group. A lot of Yahoo! groupies have rallied behind this piece, although, I'm not sure if they've quite grasped the full meaning of his discourse. I feel that some have found a more rational voice in him (despite the "anger") in articulating their mistrust of this so-called "Opposition." I'd rather balance Bong's sentiment with my own realization of how "separated" the Philippine government (it's actors, institutions, instrumentalities) is continuing to be from its constituency.

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Dear Tita Cory, Senators, Congressmen, Businessmen, Media people, Leftists, and all Bleeding Hearts Out There:

I am angry. And I know that there are many out there who are angrier than I am for the same reason. And that reason is simple. I am sick and tired of all you guys claiming to speak for me and many Filipinos. I feel like screaming every time you mouth words about fighting for my freedom and my rights, when you obviously are just thinking about yours. You tell me that the essence of democracy is providing every citizen the right to speak his or her mind and make his or her own informed judgments, but you yourselves do not respect my silence and the choices I and many others have made.

In other words, your concept of democracy is limited to having your rights and your freedoms respected, at the expense of ours.

I am utterly flabbergasted that you still do not get it: we already responded to your calls, and our response has been very clear - we chose not to heed your calls to go to EDSA or to Fort Bonifacio not because we do not love our country or our freedoms or our rights, but precisely because we love our country even more. Because quite frankly, we are prepared to lose our freedoms and our rights just to move this country forward. You may counter with your ideological propaganda and give me all the dire warnings about the evils of Martial Law, authoritarian rule, suppression of freedom, etc., but quite frankly all we see is your pathetic efforts to defend your rght to continue fulminating, filibustering, and sabotaging this country until you wrestle power for yourselves.

You tell me that you are simply protecting my freedoms and my rights, but who told you to do that? I assure you that when I feel that my rights and my freedoms are at a peril, I will stand up and fight for them myself. I have done that in the past, and I will do it again when I SEE THE NEED FOR IT, not when you tell me to do it.

You tell us that GMA is not the right person to lead this country because she has done immoral acts. As someone who sees immorality being committed wantonly in many ways every day and by everyone (yes, including the ones you do), I may have become jaded. I may have lowered my standards about what a leader should be. Guess what, Tita Cory, you lowered it yourself. When I accepted your incompetence and fought for you during the many attempts against your government, I already lowered the standards to ridiculous levels. Guess what, Senators and Congressmen, you lowered it yourselves when you ran for office and won and now make fools of yourselves in the august halls of congress.

But the simple truth that you try to obfuscate is this: you have not been able to offer me any viable alternative! On the other hand, GMA has bent over backwards many times to accommodate you while continuing to work hard despite all the obstacles and the brickbats you have thrown her way. From where I sit, she is the one who has been working really hard to move this country forward while all of you have been so busy with one and only one thing: to make sure she does not succeed. So forgive me if I do not want to join you in your moral pissing contest. Forgive me if I have chosen to see things from another perspective. You say she is the problem. I say, we are - all of us is the problem; more to the point, I think you are a bigger problem than she is. Taking her out may solve part of the problem, but that leaves us with a bigger problem: you. That is right, YOU!

While I felt outraged that she called a Comelec official during the elections and that she may have rigged the elections, I have since then taken the higher moral ground and forgiven her. Yes my dear bishops, I have done what you have told me to do since I was a child, which you say is the Christian and moral thing to do: forgive. Especially since she has asked for forgiveness and has tried to make amends for it. Erap certainly has not apologized and continues to be defiant, continuing to insult us everyday with his protestations - and he is part of your cause now! Cory has not apologized for her incompetence but we have forgiven her just the same because like GMA, she has worked hard after all.

I know you do not think that GMA's apology was not enough, or that she was insincere, or that that apology should not be the end of it, but please spare me the hypocrisy of telling me that you do so for the sake of protecting the moral fibre of society. The real reason is because you smell blood and wants to go for the kill.

Well, I have news for you. I do not like her too. I did not even vote for her. I voted for Raul Roco. But as much as I do not like her, I do not like you even more. I may not trust her, but you know what, I do not trust you even more.

You know why I do not trust you? Because all you do is whine and sabotage this country. You belittle every little progress we make, conveniently forgetting that it is not just GMA who has been working so hard to achieve them. Every single day, we keep the faith burning in our hearts that this country will finally pull itself out of the mess and we work so hard to do that. Every little progress is the result of our collective effort, we who toil hard everyday in our jobs.

Yet, you persist in one and only thing: making GMA look bad in the eyes of the world and making sure that this country continues to suffer to prove your sorry point. In the process, you continue to destroy what we painstakinly try to build. So please do not be surprised that I do not share your cause. Do not be surprised that we have become contemptuous of your antics. You have moved heaven and earth to destroy her credibility, you have convened all kinds of fora and hearings and all you have done is test our patience to the core. For all your efforts, you have only succeeded in dragging us further down. I say enough.

Don't get me wrong. I am not asking that we take immorality lying down, or that we let the President get away with anything illegal. But you have tried to prove your accusations all these time and you have not succeeded, so it is time to let things be. Besides, you are doing something immoral as well if not utterly unforgivable. The Magdalo soldiers are consorting with the communists - the same people who have been trying to kill democracy for years. Cory has been consorting with Erap and the Marcoses.

So please wake up and take a reality check. In the absence of true and genuine moral leadership, many of us have decided to cast our lot with the President, even if we do not like her. A flawed leader is better than scheming power hungry fools who can not even stand up for their convictions in the face of an impending arrest.

Your coup attempts and the denials that you have consequently made only underscore what we think is true: you are spineless and unreliable people who only want power but not the consequences and the sacrifices that go with the quest. Your one and only defense is to cry suppression when your ruse does not work. You are nothing but BULLIES who taunt and provoke, but cry oppression when taken to task for your cruelty. You call for the rule of law and respect for authority, but so brazenly display your defiance and disrespect for the same things you claim to be fighting for.

I would have respected you if you took the consequences of your actions like real heroes: calmly and responsibly instead of kicking and screaming and making all kinds of lame excuses. You say you are willing to die for us, that you do all these things for the country and the Filipino, but you are not even willing to go to jail for us.

Come on, you really think we believe that you did not want to bring down the government when THAT IS THE ONE AND ONLY ONE THING THAT YOU HAVE BEEN DESPERATELY TRYING TO DO in the last many months?

We love this country and we want peace and progress. Many among us do not give a f*&k who sits at Malacanang because we will work hard and do our share to make things work. We the people will and can make it work, if only you get out of the way and let us do it. If you only do your jobs, the ones you are supposed to be doing, things would be a lot simpler and easier for all of us.

The events during the weekend only proved one thing. You are more dangerous and a serious threat to this country than GMA is. We have seen what you are capable of doing - you are ready to burn this country and reduce everything to ashes just to prove your point. If there is something that we need protection from, IT IS PROTECTION FROM YOU.

S. C. Austero