Tantrum genesis

Just came from Tagaytay, attended a workshop that involved meeting, working and socializing with NGO's from different parts of the country. It was intellectually stimulating experience. I hitched a ride back to Manila from Dok Marlyn, who heads the UNAIDS office in the country, and whom I consider one of my mentors. It would have been a fun, comfortable two-or-less hours of ride back to Manila, but I felt dread inside me. The feeling became stronger as we approached Alabang. The remaining hour of travel was spent crawling from Alabang to Ayala-EDSA; it only complicated my feelings with annoyance.

The dread did have a name and a face... oh it had several names and faces, but collectively can be called work. For awhile I was able to deny its pressures in cool and windy Tagaytay. The hotel where we stayed was not definitely Paradise Regained but it did serve its purpose of temporarily alleviating some of the work pressure. The workshop however was definitely not for one seeking pleasure in idle-thinking. It was major brainstorming. I'm used to this. NGO work has since made my brains work harder.

I got off Ayala Avenue, the afternoon rush was in full swing, made special by Friday, and extra-special by a Glorietta concert -- or a melee of staging, equipment and onlookers of what will be one. I didn't have much baggage with me; I pack light. But packing light is relative and its real benefits situational, you see. I had my laptop on one shoulder. My small bag of clothes and toiletries on the other. On either hand I had pasalubong treats, which I bought at the Good Shepherd sisters' convent in Tagaytay. The pasalubong were not comfy carriage. One bag had buko pie, which needed to be carried like a pizza. Another bag had a box of suman latik, jiggling with a plastic container of ube and a bottle of maka-nata jam (combo of macapuno and nata de coco -- this one's for me). All that baggage, while dodging other pedestrians, the sweltering heat, the carbon monoxide... you get the picture.

After playing patintero with buses at EDSA, and finally getting into a cab, I decided to drop by the office first. I could say I had the option not to drop by the office anymore, but I really couldn't. The office is just across the street from my house. Even if I tried to ignore the office's presence, it easily calls and strums all guilt. So I just peeked into the house, dropped most of my stuff (the buko pie was pasalubong to the staff), then went to office. As I took seat, the dread that was growing earlier manifested itself into a slew of fax notices, phone messages, litanies of things done/undone/undergoing, and other, shall we say, prime-grade irritainment. Did all what could be easily dispensed, then peeled myself out of the chair, then rushed across the street to home... where my "family" was, for whom most pasalubong were for, and with whom over cigarettes and coffee (but a glass of water for me) I could have trivialized tribulations of the day. But they were not home. Not YET? I wasn't sure, specially with my hunny, who texted that he was out with buddies.

I didn't know what it was, but something tugged inside. I went into a mood, and it was definitely not light and bubbly. I went back to office, things/matters/persons that passed through me were regrettably unfortunate. Buti na lang may blog, maybe, I'd feel better after writing this...