Discovered a cool site today -- http://www.fark.com -- if you're like me on the Internet, ceaselessly in search of weird, funny stuff, this one site helps you lay off a bit on the search engines... this Drew Curtis guy would do it for you.
This article would scare your pants off... it's even on Yahoo! News (duh, what does that mean, Yahoo! is authoritative??)... until of course you realize it's a news content service from Weekly World News. What? Don't know what Weekly World News is? You should go and get groceries for mom more often... he he he
The headline: "PLANET-DISSOLVING DUST CLOUD IS HEADED TOWARD EARTH!" The exclamation point and the all caps should be a dead giveaway: tabloid ito, my dear friends. The lead: "Scared-stiff astronomers have detected a mysterious mass they've dubbed a 'chaos cloud' that dissolves everything in its path, including comets, asteroids, planets and entire stars -- and it's headed directly toward Earth!"
Usual trappings -- citations of use of some high-tech stuff ("NASA's Chandra X-ray Observatory"), theoretical mumbo-jumbo ("Hawking Radiation," "electron-positron pair"), and of course, the quotes! Scientists galore! And here's the penultimate punchline: "Some scientists say mankind's best hope would be to build a 'space ark' and hightail it to the Andromeda Galaxy, 2.1 million light-years away." Right. Now, that is high tech science, di ba naman?! At siyempre pa, in true Men in Black/Conspiracy Theory fashion, this was what the US government said: "This is a lot like global warming, where the jury is still out on whether it's real or not. The existence of this so called chaos cloud is only a theory. Americans shouldn't panic until all the facts are in." Even in jest, the political characterizations are still in -- and I think Weekly World News is British.
Oh alam n'yo na: boys, girls, baklas and tomboys, calendar this down: "...the swirling, 10 million-mile-wide cosmic dust cloud has been likened to an 'acid nebula' and is hurtling toward us at close to the speed of light -- making its estimated time of arrival 9:15 a.m. EDT on June 1, 2014." Okay, bring out your biology textbooks, let's start reviewing and pairing the species -- teka, paano na lang ang mga asexuals, hermaphrodites, and uh, what do you call those animals that change sex depending on the weather (or is it water)? O di ba, Noah had an heterosexist god.
For the cineastes, better watch out for some silly storyline like this coming in theaters soon... I could predict at least a B-movie grade or a "summer Hollywood blockbuster" pitch would... teka muna, it's been some time, better check out http://www.chud.com na rin... laterz, peeps!
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